Keep praying with each other that God will give you a solution. This time of agreement often extends to your choice of what church to attend. I Don’t Like My Husband Anymore. This is rarely a positive, long-term solution, since it separates partners rather than bringing them together in a marriage-enriching spiritual experience. . If you’re both seeking His will and genuinely desire to serve the needs of your spouse rather than your own, you can expect Him to lead you to a good solution. I'm attracted to a more upbeat expression of praise, but my spouse is a traditionalist who wants nothing to do with "contemporary" worship. My husband suggested a tangible way of encouraging and motivating your pastor. My situation is a little different….I am the wife hesitant to attend church with my husband. We don’t recommend this approach; Scripture states clearly that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). We all know that feeling – that grinding sense of discomfort when someone gets on our nerves. I feel very sad for him, for our children, for myself, for the health of our family. Relating to God: Gary Thomas explains why everyone’s relationship with God will look a little different from yours. While we don’t necessarily agree on all of those reasons, I understand why it is difficult for my husband to want to attend church, or to believe as he once did. If you find yourself married to your opposite, rejoice! $9 Million Match! I feel the same. He’s chasing him. He’s chasing him. No. International copyright secured. In that case, you and your spouse simply need to remind yourselves that marriage, in the final analysis, is about laying down your lives for one another. Focus on the Family’s Counseling staff can help you find ways to overcome an impasse of this nature. However, my husband is all invested. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. Whenever possible, the wife is to respect and follow that leadership rather than openly rebelling against it or passively undercutting her mate’s efforts. The point is that I have a CHOICE to choose what is best for me and my family. $9 Million Match! People who don’t like my husband or his choices. In the meantime, there are a few principles you should keep in mind as you and your partner attempt to work through your differences. We don’t have to force the conversation. Give your relationship priority. I don’t know what to do. The more deeply held and theologically oriented your views, the harder it will be to achieve a true meeting of the minds. Do everything you can to devise a compromise both of you can live with. If you’re at an impasse on this issue, don’t despair. Lily, “Once Gabe said, ‘Sometimes I don’t understand it when you talk about how much your church means to you—and then you don’t do the things you say you want to. They don’t even have to do or say anything – just being present can make us feel tense or edgy. Let’s hear what one wife has to say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33. God doesn’t want a dispute over church choice to tear your marriage apart. Happy to be … That’s a whole different deal. (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.) The people are judgemental and unfriendly. Be a willing listener to their stories; sometimes they might not have anyone else to talk to. like a frog in a pot of tepid water. My name is Lily, I’m 29, single and a Christian. "I Don't Like My Wife" Wife, husband, sweetheart, or friend, there are times they will be annoying. It shocked me. Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. I would like to attend a church where my son can also attend and feel accepted and would like to be centered more within my actual neighborhood. You have access to a whole new set of skills and strengths that can make life a whole lot more well-rounded. Once you’ve addressed those issues, perhaps with the help of Christian counseling, it’s possible that the church-attendance matter will simply evaporate of its own accord. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? June 6, 2016 . The next time you come into church hand your pastor a folded, brief hand-written note of … Perhaps you’ve considered a few of the churches in your area, and there are more you can visit. Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! Some days, when my friend had had a hard week, this was a boost to her, and it gladdened my heart to see. For many couples, the birth of their first child seems to trigger a closer look at the church or faith tradition in which they want their children to be reared. My husband is involved in the church and though he doesn’t agree with our church’s stance on LGBTQ, he is willing to live with it for now and work on changing their viewpoint on that matter. I pray and pray but feel nothing. Resources This creates a lot of tension in our marriage…I do not enjoy nor believe what his church teaches (very limited views on women and their roles in the church), and I actually leave his church feeling awful, depressed and hopeless, rather than loved, blessed and filled with hope and he has NO … Anonymous: Anonymous wrote:Changing your last name is outdated, imo. Most couples, if they’re seeking to please God and not just themselves, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. How To Respect Your Husband When You Don’t We love getting stories from people who believe their spouse is the one with the all the problems, only to discover they have a part to play as well. Stop. If you’d like to speak with one of our counselors, feel free to give us a call. ... husbands might quit. Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. On my end, it was anger about our friend; on my husband’s, about the abuse, though we didn’t discuss it. by Dr. Dana August 15, 2020. You can, too. I haven't liked it for over 2yrs. It feels like … Just saying. Girls imagine their excellent husband and living happily ever after with him, and that begins at a young age. First, remember that, within limits, husbands have been given the role of spiritual leader in the home. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews—even if those differences never had seemed all that serious before. We don’t have to force the conversation. My new husband has always gone to a VERY sedate, conservative Lutheran church. When you’re newly married, and all is sweetness and light, it seems easy to overlook differences of preference—which restaurant to go to, what TV show to watch, where to go on summer vacation—in order to please your spouse. Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. Mine has a pretty generic, nice enough sounding name so fine for kids but I had no interest. He's in the choir and has made many guy friends. Can you help us resolve our disagreements in this area? ... as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. My husband, on the other hand, seems no further along in his Christian walk than he was 10 years ago. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. Related Video I don’t need to stay home and fold laundry and change diapers all day. He doesn't want to change, but I really don't enjoy their method of worship. Share. When I don’t like church, it is because of several reasons: The lack of authentic relationships. Meanwhile, my ex-husband told me I would really like his girlfriend if I got to know her. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse. So, we've been at this church for 31/2 yrs. Sometimes, it feels like there is a lot of pretending at church – like … 3. . You should read stuff written by people you don’t agree with and you can enjoy doing it. Many churches provide both “traditional” and “contemporary” services. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. Before we finish, I want to point something out. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. I've really tried to make the effort. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. I am suited to full-time motherhood (at least since taking a couple classes each semester in addition to it). Frequently spouses discover a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. I would also like for my 2 boys (ages 4 & 7) to be involved in an active youth program. Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. He thinks and hopes there is a God, but doesn't desire a real relationship with Jesus. I’m not my husband’s property, I have my own name. A year and a half ago he told me that for several years he had quit believing in God, Christ, and the Church. I've tried to make friends.. but the women aren't that nice. When I say that you shouldn’t read something you don’t like, I don’t mean you shouldn’t read something you don’t agree on. My husband and I joke that we have very little in common. He told me there was no way to know the truth of anything. Most couples, if they're seeking to please God, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. 7. You can, too. How can my spouse and I resolve our differences when it comes to church attendance and various styles of worship? What To Do When Your Husband Won’t Come To Church With You 1. You may discover that this argument is merely a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship. We are sorry that this was not useful for you! For example, you might try the “mix and match” approach. It all started so slowly. (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.). He has a sacred duty not to trample on or ignore his wife’s needs, preferences, and feelings. I really need some help and prayers. Many things begin to occur when you don’t make your spouse more important than your children, but for me, two of the top repercussions were lack of patience and lack of perspective when it came to my husband. I don’t want to be there. Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. They can be worked out in essentially the same way: by talking, listening, seeking to understand one another, and working out a mutually satisfactory compromise. I just do NOT enjoy it. The husband also is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). I don’t love my husband. My question is: Why should I keep attending? I wouldn’t like her. If your disagreements about church are purely a matter of taste and style, then they’re essentially the same as any other disagreement you may have – about a new refrigerator, for instance, or what color to paint the living room. Double your gift for struggling families! My husband and I have been married for about 7 years. Honestly though OP no one cares. Address these issues—in Christian marriage counseling, if necessary. Getting a Reluctant Spouse Onboard With Budgeting, 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, How to Introduce Your Kids to the Scriptures, 10 Ways Your Family Can Show Love to Neighbors During Coronavirus. He was basically like, "do whatever you want. Sometimes, people fall out of love. Thanks for answering. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? I enjoy the spirit and music of a more contemporary church. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. Lily. He’s from Oklahoma, I’m from England. Help your children to become familiar with God’s Word using simple activities that will also enrich your time together. Home » Family QAs » Get Help » Family Q&A » Relationships & Marriage Q&As » Marriage: Disagreements About Church. Clearly this is not a decision God would want for them; Scripture states that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). $9 Million Match! I tend to think that maybe you’re not as committed as you claim.’ This article is brought to you by the generous donors who make our work and family help possible. Or they want just the opposite—avoiding reminders of unhappy religious experiences in their own childhoods, against which they rebelled. Agree. Moment of vulnerability here: I don’t like going to church. I understand that not everyone will be my husband’s fan, but the criticism hurts, especially when it is said rudely to my face. Keep coming to church. Why I Go To Church Even When I Don’t Feel Like It by Trudy Smith. Here are five reasons why we … From Focus on the Family’s Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, published by Tyndale. Here are a few principles you might want to consider—especially if you and your spouse are having trouble in this area. Keep looking for a place of worship that provides for the spiritual growth of both spouses – and your children, if you have any. She left her family to go live in an apartment waiting for him to divorce me so he could marry her. I don’t love or even like my husband but want to very badly. [/quote] Hi Trista: I hear you. My husband is convinced I am rebellious and unsubmissive. We want to help you do just that. Continue to show up week after week and let your husband see how God is changing you. $9 Million Match! These type of conflicts arise when one spouse suddenly discovers a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. Excerpted from The Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, a Focus on the Family Book published by Tyndale House Publishers. Your question seems to suggest that your differences are mainly centered around preferences for contrasting styles of worship. Do you cherish your spouse? If not, keep praying that God will grant you the answers you’re seeking. Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. We realize that some husbands and wives attend completely different churches. I've tried and tried. Some husbands and wives decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages. Double your gift for struggling families! 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Grandparents Threatened to Either Support Transgender Grandchild or Be Cut Off, How to Find Counseling Support for Teen With Sexual Identity Issues, When Family Secrets Come Out: How to Work Through Your Feelings and Find a Way Forward. Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! We don’t need to consider it’ll eventually us, but here are some signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore. If so, your problem may be easier to solve than you suppose. Whatever you do, don’t give up in despair. Read Next ... Then one day, an older church lady put my husband and me in charge of finding people to serve communion each week. Most of the time, however, differences in church choices are not that extreme. ... We can begin by finding one thing each day about our husband that we can respect, like how he provides for the family or how he is a good father to the children or how he has been generous to others, etc. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or practices that are heretical or cultic, of course, the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. He also told me she was a very spiritual person. “I Don’t Respect You” My husband and I had been fighting, like really badly. Home » Marriage » Marriage Success » What If We Don’t Like the Same Church? Ummmm. Susan: "My husband and I have been married for many years but over the last 10 years I've been really growing in my faith. If the dilemma you’re facing is of this second type, you may want to think about getting some serious spiritual and psychological counseling. It expands your mind and your world view. Subject: I don't like my husband's last name. I felt like an earthquake had torn down everything that was stable. I was raised in a fairly contemporary Presbyterian church. Women naturally excel at church, and most men don’t. Third, don’t be afraid to experiment with creative alternatives. They can also recommend qualified marriage therapists in your area who might be able to work with you on a long-term basis. Second, it’s crucial to give your relationship priority. As you settle into your relationship, however, feelings about some preferences gain importance. He refused to seek outside counsel because he knows he is right (“wives submit to your husband’s in all things”.). I started believing that the stereotype applied to me, too, until my husband set me back on track. Not to mention, Disney movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite don’t help us both. I don’t think so. Honestly, I don’t even know that I will use my degree if I don’t need to. I can’t stand this church anymore, and stopped sending several months ago. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. I used to like going and got SO much out of it, but now, not so much. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense and more difficult to manage when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews. Check in regularly with your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and see if they need any assistance. Family is more than family in the body of Christ, and church on a Sunday should be our practice ground. This resulted in moments of “I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.” The truth is: I met my husband first. With your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and see if they 're to! 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And strengthening the relationship families hope this Christmas problem may be easier to solve than you suppose authentic... Anonymous wrote: changing your last name is Lily, I will give families hope Christmas. Other situations, it ’ s needs, conflict management, or plain old selfishness t to!, it ’ s from Oklahoma, I ’ m 29, single and a Christian to on! In addition to it ), preferences, and there are more you can to devise a compromise both you. Relationship—Control needs, conflict management, or plain old selfishness & 7 ) to be … my name is,! Church choices are rarely this extreme. ) too, until my husband in! Encouraging and motivating your pastor spiritual leader in the home God and His truth you!, conservative Lutheran church situations, it ’ s crucial to give us a call suggested a way... Remember, no one is saddened by this more than family in the body compromise both of you to.